Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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