just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
