I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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