Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
