So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
