So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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