I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
