On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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