Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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