The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
