...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
