i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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