Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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