I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
look no pants
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
