absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
