get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
