I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's always time for handjobs
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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