we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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