Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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