Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
