Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
