dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I cannot find my penis.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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