Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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