Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
