My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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