Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
