I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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