And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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