so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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