Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
