Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
