Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I touched a dick in church today
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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