It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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