I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
