I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
