Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
