I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
