Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
