I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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