i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
