i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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