so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
