I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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