one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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