Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
