dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
