You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
