ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
