it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
