Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Rumble strips road head = magical
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
