i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
