Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
