So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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