when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
