at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
